My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
party gras won. party gras always wins.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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