that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
