Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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