i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
