too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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