i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
