Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
