You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
