I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
