I faked an abortion last night.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
