saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
