Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
