Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
