Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
