Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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