WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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