so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
