There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
