i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
