Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
