dude i'm inner monologue high
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
