the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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