Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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