Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
