i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
