there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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