Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
