We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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