i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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