I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
