So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
