Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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