Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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