i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
