So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
