She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
