My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize