When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We are all done wearing pants today
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
