You're my little dorito
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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