please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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