I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
