I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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