My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She bit a glass in half.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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