I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Everything about him screamed your future.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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