Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
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I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I could fuck to npr.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I party with great urgency now.
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