The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
