He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
