So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
