god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
