On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
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Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
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Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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