So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
