At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
