i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize