if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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