Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize