I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They took my balls.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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