Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
