OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
