i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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