There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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