dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
