and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize